Mother’s Day Weekend was liberating for me. I can’t say that we did anything that spectacular, but I did some major soul searching and I was finally able to lay to rest a demon that has been a part of my life for over 12 years. And probably will continue to be, but with the help of many friends and especially my husband, I was able to find my smile again, lift this weight, and not let this monster affect me any longer.
I did it for the benefit of myself, my child, my family and my health most importantly. I woke up this gorgeous Monday morning with a whole new attitude, a smile on my face, and I knew from this moment forward that I am going to be the best person I can be, the best parent I can be, and set the best example for my children that I can set.
This part of my past no longer affects me, no longer plays a role in my life and their poor decisions have nothing to do with me. So even though the decision I made this weekend to release my stress and find my smile again and move forward with my life may have required some major sacrifices on my part as a mother, I know I have done the right thing. All I can do is pray and continue to do the right thing for my kids and set the best example that I can set and keep my smile on my face and keep my wonderful partner/husband by my side.
He is my rock, he is my soulmate, and he forgives me when I blunder, he loves me when I falter, and he is there when I lose it. But most of all he chose me, “warts and all”. And to my friends and family who have stood by me through this journey… I am at the end. This will no longer bring me down. My smile is here to stay, and I am happy with my decision as a mother.
So just remember, when you feel like you have hit your wall, lost your smile, or at the end of your rapidly fraying rope. You probably are. I wish I could sugar coat it. There have been many nights that my husband has picked me up off the floor. Our kids are our most import things in our lives. But just remember, if they are safe; you are fine.
And remember, something will happen to turn that switch on to help you find that smile and turn your light back on and help you keep chugging up that mountain of life. No one said life was easy, because if it was then it would be called “vacation” and not “life”. Find that special someone, something, or some place that keeps you charged and remember you are worth it and don’t ever let someone tell you or make you feel any different.
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively — Bob Marley
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