By Rodney Hays

Let me put down this turkey leg and talk to you a little bit. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving day with you families and the Dallas Cowboys.

Now that the holidays are over it's time to talk a little about weight gain.

I'm probably not the best person to talk to about weight gain during the holidays because I don't really seem to have a talent for weight gain. I've been at the same weight and BMI (Body Measuring Indicator, or something) since high school.

[Editor's note: because this newspaper normally tries to print verifiable facts, the preceding statement may or MAY NOT be true]

I was reading the other day on the Internet -- The Source of All Truth -- about how most Americans gain on average about five pounds during the holiday season, which begins Jan. 1 and runs through the end of December.

Wait.

I'm sorry, I'm now being told the holiday season actually runs from Thanksgiving through New Years Day.

I do find it hard to believe that people can actually gain five pounds over the span of a couple of weeks.

If that were true, I figured I've celebrated about 29 Thanksgivings since 1980 and I should weigh right around 978 pounds.

Wait.

I'm sorry. I'm now being told that I'm pretty flippin' close to that.

I'm only kidding, I lost a few pounds this summer and am now comfortably under 950.

Maybe holiday weight gain is a real issue. Let's assume that it is and discuss.

Here are a few tips on how to keep from putting on, what I'm going to call, The Festive Five during the holidays.

1. Stay Away From Holiday Parties -- The average American attends somewhere between three and 4,897 parties during the holiday season.

My advice on the party scene is to start by being choosy when deciding what parties to attend.

My criteria is always: 1) will their be snack foods or a full meal. 2) Will adult beverages be served. And 3) Will board games be played.

As far as food is concerned, the less food served for free the better. If your party host is planning a huge meal, it might be better to show up late or not at all. You can always use the "I'm spending time with the family during the important holiday season" as a lame excuse that most people will believe.

If you do decide to go to one of these parties, maybe to squelch the desire to eat the entire time you're at the party, have a meal before (I suggest a Panchos Mexican Buffet).

As for the adult beverages: My advice is never attend a party where they don't serve adult beverages. Trust me, there will be somebody in attendance that will require a "stiff drink" to deal with.

If you are invited to a party with board games, do not go. Instead try using the "I'm spending more time with my Internet blog," excuse.

2. Eat More Vegetables -- A lot of U.S. Americans will eat mostly meat and desserts during the holiday season.

Eating vegetables is a good idea any time of the year, but even more so during the holiday season.

Many vegetables offer much-needed nutrients like iron, vitamin C and Prozac.

For this holiday season, might I suggest eating some vegetables when standing around the party tray, drinking a tall adult beverage and trying to stay away from Uncle Merle.

Some of my favorite vegetables are french fries, carrot cake and flautas.

3. Start Or Continue a Workout Regimen -- The United States Department of We Don't Have Enough To Do suggests the average U.S. American work out for thirty minutes at least three times a week.

Working out has always puzzled me. When did this obsession with working out start? Did our forefathers workout?

I don't remember reading about George Washington waking up early during World War II and working out before defeating the Mexican army at the Alamo.

You know what George Washington did for workout? He went to battle. He chopped down cherry trees. He ate steak with wooden teeth. In short, he stayed active throughout the day.

Now, we spend most of our time sitting in front of a computer, stuffing Doritos into our faces and never leaving the house to do any type of exercise, unless there's a reward like a box of Ding Dongs at the end. At least that's what I do.

I do think U.S. Americans could stand to do a little more exercising and it doesn't require a $9,000 a month gym membership.

Here area just a few ideas:

1. Park Farther Away From the Front Entrance -- I don't know how many times I see some lady wearing workout clothes pulling into a parking spot 10 feet from the store entrance.

I think it's better to park out a little bit and walk an extra 50 feet or so to the front entrance. The older gentlemen with the heart condition probably appreciates it too.

2. Play Like a Kid -- When I was little, I was constantly outside (probably because I was raised in a cave). My brothers and I were usually so busy riding our bikes, playing football or running from cops that we didn't have time to gain five pounds over the holidays.

3. Don't Worry -- The more we worry about calories, and fat intake and what is going on with John and Kate, the more we will add weight any time of year.

If we can all just relax, have fun and enjoy each moment, we'll all be a lot healthier.

After all, the word "stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards. I'm not sure what that means.

Having said all of that, if you are throwing a holiday bash with plenty of adult beverages, give me a call.

Check out Rodney Hays' blog at www.rodhays.blogspot.com. Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/rodhays.